Life can be tough at times. One minute everything’s going smoothly, and you feel happy BUT then the next moment everything’s changed…
- What we thought was going to happen doesn’t.
- A friend lets us down.
- We fail to achieve a goal.
- A sudden and unexpected passing of a family member.
- We lose our job.
- Illness, disease, cancer strikes.
- Financial struggles.
These are often uncomfortable topics to address because they cause pain, but they are a part of life and we will all have to face at least one of the above (if we haven’t already).
Life will test you at some point. For lots of you reading this right now you’ll be very happy, married, young, starting a family, healthy and everything seems sweet in life.
On the flip side there will be people reading this who are struggling, suffering with low self esteem, depression, grieving, lonely, and experiencing a bunch of very uncomfortable emotions – my heart goes out to those of you in this position. I promise that there’s light at the end of the tunnel, just keep turning up each day. Life is swings and roundabouts and there are both good and bad times (and everything in between!).
Remember… we wouldn’t know what it’s like to be happy unless we’ve experienced sadness. You simply can’t experience one emotion without having experienced the opposite. That means you have to have tough times to appreciate the good times, and vice versa.
Most of our resistance in life comes from two places…
#1 What we want and what we have are very different.
For example we have a vision in our heads from a young age that by the time we are 30 years old that we should be happily married, with two kids, in a nice house, driving a nice car and in the prime of our life. BUT the reality is the opposite, we don’t have all of those things (or any!) and therefore we feel like we’re failing. This causes internal resistance and makes us feel guilty, hard done by, and as though we’re failing at life.
#2 Who we think we should be VS Who we really are.
Many of us are wearing masks, we put them on each day. When somebody asks us “how you doing mate?” we’re like “yeah, i’m great thanks mate, how are you?” – when deep down we feel depressed, and are struggling to cope with life.
We feel the need to be a certain way to fit in. We need a good body to be loved by the opposite sex. We need lots of money to buy nice clothes and a flash car. We need to be in a successful career to impress our friends and parents. The list goes on.
What we think society wants from us and who we are can be totally different. Again this leads us to feeling ‘shame’ and a feeling of ‘failure’. We’re afraid of revealing our true inner selves because we fear being judged, outcasted, labelled as a ‘nut job’ and we don’t want to come across as weak and vulnerable.
Life Doesn’t Always Go As Planned…
I’ve been very fortunate to have had an amazing life so far, and i’m extremely grateful for that, that said I have had some very tough times and gone to some very dark places in my mind.
I remember when I left college I went through a really low patch. In a nutshell I moved to Brighton for 2 years to go to college and build a new life for myself (because my life in Bury sucked and I was depressed!). I went to Brighton and built and awesome life for myself, I enjoyed college, made some great friends, and finally felt happy. BUT then college ended, I wanted to do a Sports Science degree, but there was no where in Brighton that did it. So I had to move, I chose Sheffield.
I can’t tell you how gutted I was that summer, I moved back to Bury (because my tenancy ran out) and all I did was stay in the house all day, watching TV and eating my bodyweight in Chocolate. I didn’t know it at the time but i was depressed and had no idea how to process my feelings, so I just beat myself up mentally and ate loads of sh*te to numb my feelings and help me sleep.
I was dreading Uni, and kept thinking “i’ve made the wrong decision! I should have stayed in Brighton and chosen a different degree.” I was convinced life was all down hill from now on.
In reality moving to Sheffield was the best thing that happened to me. Had I not have moved I wouldn’t have met the love of my life, which consequently lead to creating my wonderful little boy who lights up every chamber in my heart. I wouldn’t have started LEP Fitness. I wouldn’t have met some of the amazing friends that are now in my life.
Life doesn’t always feel like it’s going to plan, but more often than not everything works out. There are lessons and meanings to be gained from everything that happens to us, although they’re not often obvious at the time – life has a funny way of taking you in new directions and only at a later date is the meaning revealed. Have the faith and trust that life will pan out.
Go with the flow of life and trust your intuition…
It’s perfectly normal to have goals and a vision and a thought about how life should be and what you want from life. It’s great to have ambition and know what you want BUT be adaptable in your approach, accept that things don’t always go to plan, and give yourself time to heal, and work through the tough times.
It’s normal to resist life and to refuse to accept what’s happening, you need time to process your emotions and come to terms with the new situation. BUT after a period of time you have two options…
#1 continuing resisting life – keep fighting life and beating yourself up for life not being how you want it.
#2 accept and adapt – accept life the way it is right now and move forward. Look for the lessons, treat yourself with love and kindness.
Just because you accept something doesn’t mean you have to be happy with it, but instead of resisting it you are allowing it, you are not running from it or fighting it. You are simply acknowledging it, which will then give you the space to move on in a positive way.
Trust your gut instinct and intuition to guide you through life and go with the flow of what happens. If you do this you’re life will be easier and you’ll build a sh*t load of character along the way.
Sending my best wishes to those of you who’ve read this entire post, the fact that you’ve read until the end means that you are actively looking for ways to improve your life and that’s frickin incredible.
Wishing you the best of luck on your individual journeys, may you be safe, healthy and happy.